Making Something of Nothing

Absolutely everything is nothing and nothing is absolutely everything. Absolutely everything we see, feel, taste and smell (all material things) is nothing. Now you are probably saying to yourself that I am nuts, but stick with me here for a moment and I will prove to you that I know absolutely everything about nothing, or is it absolutely nothing about everything?

First of all we have to get some definitions straight. Webster Dictionary says Nothing means, “no thing; not anything; the condition or quality of being nothing; nonexistence.”

Your daily experiences are filled with nothings.

You meet someone you haven’t seen for a while and you ask, “What’s new?” and they answer, “Oh, nothing.”

Your wife returns from the mall loaded down with packages and you ask, “What did you buy?” and she answers, “Oh, nothing.”

Your child is in the garden pulling up your newly planted pansies and you shout with frustrated anger, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

She looks at you with wide-eyed innocence and say, “Nothing.”

You see someone looking unhappy and you say, “What’s the matter?” They look even more unhappy and start wailing and say, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Those are, or course, very subjective examples. In our search to find the truth about absolutely nothing we must be objective, maybe even scientific. What could be more scientific than to consider the universe?

We all know that our universe is mostly space, which is defined as, “the unlimited, three-dimensional realm or expanse in which all material objects are located and in which events occur.” In other words, space is the nothingness into which everything else is thrown.

Now we know that there is more space or nothingness than anything because the dictionary definition calls space an unlimited expanse. Boy that is a lot of space, or nothingness, so much of it in fact that there is nothingness probes, deep nothingness probes, nothingness science, nothingness walks and just an unlimited amount of nothing to be studied. So as not to seem to nothing oriented we, of course, call it “space”, deep space, space probes, but however you say it, space is still nothing.

“But.” you say, “that space is filled with things.”

Absolutely, so we should study those things, which are all made up of matter. All matter; the chair you’re sitting in, the food you eat, the house you live in, in fact, the earth itself along with all the stars, and planets, and moons, and space debris we’ve thrown out there, is all made of molecules.

Again, according to Webster’s Dictionary, “a molecule is the smallest physical unit of an element or compound, consisting of one or more like atoms in an element and two or more different atoms in a compound.” Whew… So now we know what a molecule is, but what is an atom? Back to the dictionary.

An atom, the thing atom bombs are made of, “is the smallest component of an element consisting of a positively charged nucleus of neutrons and protons that exert an electrical attraction on one or more electrons in motion around it.”

That’s not the whole of the dictionary definition, but basically it kind of means this. There’s these tiny little energy somethings called neutrons and protons and they are swirling around each other in a tiny, little, itsy-bitsy space or nothingness. We all know it takes space to swirl around. Get enough of these and you have a molecule or something like that. That’s all it is. Space. Absolutely nothing with some electrical forces called neutrons and protons flying around.

I have no idea how all that space of all those atoms in the all the molecules in the wood of a baseball bat can be so hard, but I’ll let someone else explain that to you. All I have tried to do is explain the theory of Absolutely Nothing.

Well, there you have it. And to quote Shakespeare, this has been, “Much Ado About Nothing”.

And I hope you have a something wonderful weekend. Aloha – pjs/