Making Something of Nothing

Absolutely everything is nothing and nothing is absolutely everything. Absolutely everything we see, feel, taste and smell (all material things) is nothing. Now you are probably saying to yourself that I am nuts, but stick with me here for a moment and I will prove to you that I know absolutely everything about nothing, or is it absolutely nothing about everything?

First of all we have to get some definitions straight. Webster Dictionary says Nothing means, “no thing; not anything; the condition or quality of being nothing; nonexistence.”

Your daily experiences are filled with nothings.

You meet someone you haven’t seen for a while and you ask, “What’s new?” and they answer, “Oh, nothing.”

Your wife returns from the mall loaded down with packages and you ask, “What did you buy?” and she answers, “Oh, nothing.”

Your child is in the garden pulling up your newly planted pansies and you shout with frustrated anger, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

She looks at you with wide-eyed innocence and say, “Nothing.”

You see someone looking unhappy and you say, “What’s the matter?” They look even more unhappy and start wailing and say, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Those are, or course, very subjective examples. In our search to find the truth about absolutely nothing we must be objective, maybe even scientific. What could be more scientific than to consider the universe?

We all know that our universe is mostly space, which is defined as, “the unlimited, three-dimensional realm or expanse in which all material objects are located and in which events occur.” In other words, space is the nothingness into which everything else is thrown.

Now we know that there is more space or nothingness than anything because the dictionary definition calls space an unlimited expanse. Boy that is a lot of space, or nothingness, so much of it in fact that there is nothingness probes, deep nothingness probes, nothingness science, nothingness walks and just an unlimited amount of nothing to be studied. So as not to seem to nothing oriented we, of course, call it “space”, deep space, space probes, but however you say it, space is still nothing.

“But.” you say, “that space is filled with things.”

Absolutely, so we should study those things, which are all made up of matter. All matter; the chair you’re sitting in, the food you eat, the house you live in, in fact, the earth itself along with all the stars, and planets, and moons, and space debris we’ve thrown out there, is all made of molecules.

Again, according to Webster’s Dictionary, “a molecule is the smallest physical unit of an element or compound, consisting of one or more like atoms in an element and two or more different atoms in a compound.” Whew… So now we know what a molecule is, but what is an atom? Back to the dictionary.

An atom, the thing atom bombs are made of, “is the smallest component of an element consisting of a positively charged nucleus of neutrons and protons that exert an electrical attraction on one or more electrons in motion around it.”

That’s not the whole of the dictionary definition, but basically it kind of means this. There’s these tiny little energy somethings called neutrons and protons and they are swirling around each other in a tiny, little, itsy-bitsy space or nothingness. We all know it takes space to swirl around. Get enough of these and you have a molecule or something like that. That’s all it is. Space. Absolutely nothing with some electrical forces called neutrons and protons flying around.

I have no idea how all that space of all those atoms in the all the molecules in the wood of a baseball bat can be so hard, but I’ll let someone else explain that to you. All I have tried to do is explain the theory of Absolutely Nothing.

Well, there you have it. And to quote Shakespeare, this has been, “Much Ado About Nothing”.

And I hope you have a something wonderful weekend. Aloha – pjs/


You Don’t Care What I Think

Last week, Friday to be exact, I posted about the Problem Thinker. Since then I have been thinking and I have discovered a little more about thinking. The sad truth is that people don’t really care what you think unless you think the same way they do.

Now that is not some great new discovery like finding a diamond ring when you were going through your neighbor’s trashcan. No, this discovery is something you have suspected for some time, but to finally came to the conclusion, to have to accept, to admit to yourself, that no one gives a damn what you think is enough to make you sit down and cry like a baby with a bee sting.

I have also discovered (or concluded if you will) that trying to get you to think the way they do is what the American Way of Life is all about. It starts with parents who send you to a school, or homeschooled you, and if they are strongly religious they send you to a church run school, where at an early age you are indoctrinated to think the way they think. And God help you (though He’s not likely to) if you fall in love with someone who doesn’t think the way they do.

Later on for some fool reason or another that you don’t really understand you start going to some church or another where the cleric, of whatever order, tries to get you to think the way he does and asks you to give him or her your money. That money is supposed to buy your way out of some catastrophe later, way later, later like when you die.

Please, don’t throw rotten tomatoes at me just because I might point out something about the American Dream that you don’t like, but isn’t that what selling and advertising is all about. The man trying to sell you a car doesn’t care what you think. All he cares about is getting you to think the way he does and when you do he takes your money. Now I’ll admit he gives you something; the car, maybe even with a warranty for that money, which is a hell of a lot more than the politician will give you in exchange for your money.

Now the politician wants you to think the way he thinks and he wants you to give him money to think liked him. Unlike the car salesman, he does not give any warranty when you buy what he’s selling.

I think a law should be passed that politicians be forced to give a money-back-guarantee. If he or she doesn’t deliver on what is promise then they have to give back all the donor’s money and stop taking those fat-cat salaries for trying to talk you into agreeing with them. Of course, since politicians make the laws there will never be any kind of law requiring a politician to be honest.

The same should be required of clerics. If after you die you don’t end up in whatever heaven or hell they promised you then they should be required to pay back everything you donated to them. Of course you won’t be alive so what they have to give wont do you any good, but then, it never did.

Oh, dear, I just tried to tell you what to think. No, I didn’t. Well, yes I did but I didn’t charge you anything for agreeing or disagreeing with me.

Now, I don’t care what you think, so there, ha, ha.

But I do wish you a happy, care-free, relaxing day, week, fortnight, or whatever you can grab. – Aloha – pjs/

A Thinking Problem

This not original with me. I don’t know where I found it, but it is so good I just have share it.

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone – “to relax,” I told myself – but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.

I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly we are doing here?”

Things weren’t going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She just glared at me and then stalked out and spent that night at her mother’s.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, “Lin, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.” This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!”

“But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.”

“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won’t have any money!”

“That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently, and she began to cry.

I’d had enough. “I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors… they didn’t open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed… easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.


To that I say, “What the hell, one little thought can’t hurt you.” Careful brother, one little thought can lead to another. OK, let’s keep the thinking to a minimum. Have a pleasant, non-thought encumbered weekend. – Aloha -pjs/

Wasting Time

I know, I know, we are supposed to be managing our time wisely. We surround ourselves with all kinds of time reminders form writs watches, to cell phones, to great, impressive clock towers.

But from the way we think about time and use the word, “time,” I think we mangle time more than manage it. Now current understanding of the word mangle means to: severely mutilate, disfigure, or damage by cutting, tearing, or crushing.

But the Wikipedia tells us this, “A mangle (as it is called in the United Kingdom) or wringer (as it is called in the United States) is a mechanical laundry aid consisting of two rollers in a sturdy frame, connected by cogs and, in its home version, powered by a hand crank or electrically.” Now-a-day with every type of dryer most people don’t know what a wringer is so here’s a picture of one.

Now as a kid I was familiar with the Mangle because I turned the hand crank when I helped my mother with the laundry. For a long time I thought it got its name because if you didn’t handle the material passing through it correctly it would twist and tear the material or break the buttons on a shirt, but I digress, I was going to talk about “time” wasn’t I?

TIME – we are obsessed with it. We let the time factor rule our lives. Even our moods are influenced by a time factor. Have you ever noticed that the person who is late is often happier than the person waiting for them? They may be full of apologies, or excuse for being late, but they are happier.

We say such things as, “Man, that was the best time of my life,” or “It was the worst time of my life.”

I have noticed that for some people the worst time of their life is that time between graduating from high school and retirement.

Now there are some people who have so much to do that they are very careful how they allocate their time. They are the ones who talk bout having “quality time” with their children or something else and when they talk about quality time what they really mean just a little bit of time.

So I leave you with this thought, there are all kinds of people and reasons trying to school you not to waste time, but if you are enjoying yourself when others think you are wasting time it is not a waste of time.

Now I sincerely hope that if you should look into one of my books and start reading it, you will not consider it wasting time. I have conveniently listed 3 of them in the sidebar. Click on any one them and you will be taken to my Amazon page. Remember, if you are enjoying yourself, you are not wasting time.

Have a great time and Aloha – pjs/

I Have Discovered

I have discovered that life is too short to sleep on a bad bed, eat junk food, and talk to dumb people.

On the other hand it is better to sleep on a bad bed, even a park bench, and eat junk food if that is all you have.

Now when I talk about junk food I am not talking about the glorious hamburger or delicious French fries, or beautiful Pizza, or hotdogs, or any of that other good stuff.

No, No! When I talk about junk food I mean broccoli and Brussels sprouts and things like that.

Right here and now I’ll let you in on another one of my discoveries. I have discovered that you can live a healthy and happy life without ever eating broccoli or Brussel sprouts.

However, if at all possible, always avoid talking to dumb people; other people watching or listening may not be able to tell the difference between the really dumb them and the really smart you.

One of the easiest ways to avoid talking to dumb people is to pretend you are reading a book, or texting something. Or, heaven forbid, be actually reading.

Now I know reading has gone out of style with the wonderful world of digital, but you can get any of my books from amazon in any format you like; hard copy or digital.

Now if that isn’t blatant advertising I don’t know what is. You can always read several pages of free sample on Amazon to see if you might like the story. Damn, there I am advertising again.

Anyway, have a great day and Aloha – pjs/

Mind Boggling

“Man, that is really mind-boggling!”

Not my mind, but then, maybe my mind has already been boggled and I don’t know it. I don’t know what I said that got that reaction from her, nor do I even really know what she meant. The idea of mind-boggling raises a lot of questions.

What is meant by “mind-boggling”?

How do you boggle someone’s mind?

Who are the mind bogglers that are among us?

Are they everywhere and are there a lot of them or only a few?

Are they to be admired or feared?

I have never met anyone who admitted to being a mind-boggler. But then I have never asked some one if they were a mind-boggle and would they admit it if they were? Just how does someone boggle a mind? Does it take a lot of practice or special training?

In my search for an answer I went to a dictionary. It said that “boggle” meant “to cause to be overcome, as with fright or astonishment.”

I certainly didn’t mean to frighten her and I can’t imagine that I said anything that was astonishing.

Getting the dictionary definition does not really set my mind at ease. It only causes me to be more confused. Did she mean to flatter me by implying that I was capable of astonishing thoughts, or is there something frightening about me?

She did not endear me to her by saying that what I said was mind-boggling. First of all I don’t like insincere flattery, but nor do I want to say things that frighten people.

A thesaurus was even more confusing. It said, among other things, that boggle was to: overwhelm with surprise, wonder or bewilderment, to bowl over, dumbfounded or stagger.

However, that same definition said it could also mean to: do irreparable harm through inept handling, make a mess, bungle, foul-up, miss-handle or spoil.

Is boggle anything like bungle? I certainly don’t want to do irreparable harm, or even repairable harm. I really don’t want to do any harm at all.

Did she say “mind-boggling” or “mind-bungling”? Lordy, Lordy, What was it I said?

Nevertheless, if she said “mind-boggling” then maybe I wish I could remember what it was I said. Then I could go around saying it all the time and boggle everyone’s mind. Then again, maybe not.

Wishing all a calm, non-boggled, or bungled day. Aloha – pjs/